Stereotypically most girls get emotional about sex. I too, was victim of this emotion but I learned at a young age to turn it off. Some people might think that’s unfortunate, but sex is just a physical experience for me. It doesn’t have to involve the complex emotions unless you want it to.
So here is the story that made me learn to detach my emotions from sex.
I was a senior in high school and I had just broken up with my boyfriend of three years. I lost my virginity to him, and after our breakup, I was heartbroken and vulnerable. Out of nowhere, a boy I’d known from middle school reached out to me and we started snapchatting, and that quickly evolved to flirting which quickly evolved to sexting. I was lonely and the attention was nice. After a while he invited me to his dorm (he was a college freshman) and of course I accepted the invitation. I was a naive little high schooler after all and what high schooler wouldn’t want to be with a college guy. Long story short, we had sex that day and he lost his virginity. Afterwards we kept messaging and he was upset and sending me mixed feelings and I was extremely confused. Soon enough, the missing link emerged. He had a girlfriend.
So now I was the slut that helped a guy cheat on his girlfriend and had sex with him when she hadn’t. Somewhere along the way I caught feelings as well, but obviously there was no future for a relationship between us. This hurt.
As he tried to sort out the consequences of his decision, he asked his dad, a pastor, for advice. Great. He proceeded to apologize to his girlfriend and in response she hugged him. WHAT? What girl in their right mind hugs their boyfriend and says they forgive him immediately after finding out they cheated. This made no sense to me whatsoever.
At this point in my life, I felt that if you have sex with someone it’s obviously because you care about them. However after out encounter the boy returned to his girlfriend and forgot me in the dust. He told me he needed to “go on a walk with God” whatever that means…. In short, I was just a toy he used for his physical pleasure. This was not an emotional experience for him like it was for me.
I have not seen him since the day I took his virginity, nor do I plan to ever see him again. This experience made me realize that adding emotions into sex just makes it more complicated, and it doesn’t have to be. I was extremely hurt by this encounter and yet again found myself heartbroken. I refuse to be used again like he used me. If anything, I do the using now.
In college it is just easier to keep sex physical and not emotional. Not many people are looking for deep relationships, just looking to have a good time. I do appreciate a good fling, but I am not in a stage in my life where I desire a committed partner. I really do enjoy getting around and experiencing everything… or should I say everyone… that’s out there. And removing the emotions has allowed me to do this. Instead of becoming attached to the guys I sleep with, I feel empowered by the physical experiences. I love being able to pleasure them and it makes me confident to feel sexually desired.
So to all you girls out there it is perfectly normal if you like your sex to involve emotions. But it is also perfectly normal for it to simply be a physical act. Do what makes you happy and don’t let society make you feel as if only one of these ways is acceptable.